Breaking down

Everyone tells me how strong I am. They don't know how I do it. So if everyone acknowledges how hard it is, why do they seem so surprised when I start to break down?

I love to work. Right now I can't. I have never been the type to just sit around at home. Since I've been home, I only get out to do necessary house supplies shopping (Gabe's clothes, groceries, etc...) and family holidays. I did get to go visit my mom for a few weeks back in August. I loved it. We went out every couple of days. Just to go on walks, go to the library, go to thrift stores. I'm not asking to go rock climbing or anything. The simple things I did at my mom's made life a lot better. She lives across the country. So this had to end.

So I'm stuck inside with a toddler by myself all day just about every day. Taking him out on my own isn't really safe for us. I go a bit crazy after a while. Also, I believe I mentioned how much I hate chaos? I love my son. More than anything. The chaos of a toddler I can take. It's when my husband and I are arguing, the cat chooses to have diahrea everywhere except her litter box, my clean jeans that I put on 20 minutes ago are covered in cat poop, my son is covered in cat poop and he is screaming bloody murder while I am trying to fix things. Yes, I am crying. My life is a huge chaotic mess right now. Little things keep getting thrown in and eventually the little things add up. So please, stop telling me to calm down. Stop telling me I am being over emotional. Stop telling me that being upset over these little things is silly. Because I promise, when you are upset over something most would deem "stupid", I am going to be there to understand and listen. I just need to cry sometimes. My whole life has been shaken around like a big snow globe. I'm going to break eventually.